Changes may be a comin’

Summer is here.  School is out.  I still work.  This has been a productive work week for me and the meetings have maintained a positive vibe, BUT…

There is a small itch that is pushing me forward to go after things unfamiliar.  Once again, uncomfortable but desirable.  Growth comes when we are uncomfortable.  Life happens when we step outside of that zone where all is warm and nice and familiar.

Where will this lead me?  Will I accept the challenge when it presents itself as an opportunity?  What if there is no opportunity but the need to continue to press on in this current season?

Normal has never been my forte’, but you already know that.

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One isn’t the loneliest number

Interestingly enough, my first official blog is now MIA.  In life, yet again, my first try failed.

I am new to the blogging world as a writer.  I read blogs regularly as a source of professional development.  Why do I not write personally?  I guess b/c I have always felt no one really wants to read my thoughts and they surely do not want to see how I feel.

I am a loner.  A true loner.  I have a large, social family and my job requires me to constantly connect with others.  I would prefer to be alone with a book and a pencil and a notebook.  I crave the intimacy that comes with being by myself.  Being around others is exhausting and some days it is so hard to maintain my composure.  Some days the mask stays perfectly in place and hides my pain and true desire.  Some days the mask slides and out peeks utter imperfection that blindsides those who get a glimpse.

I want to love life and live it to the fullest.  I want to be here for my children and one day my grandchildren.  What I do is not the same.  What I do is run to the confines of my bedroom and hope there isn’t some event that will pull me into the world.  What I do is ignore invites and make excuses not to hang out.  What I do is feel sick.  This is me.  The ugly, real me.

“I never found a companion so companionable as solitude” — Thoreau